About Kip Flock, MSW
Apex Resource Center was created to support people and organizations in change. In this era of escalating human flux, we must continuously heighten our effectiveness in managing the challenge of intensified contemporary demands on our emotional and interactive lives. ARC Services for Human Effectiveness aim to replenish the gap between the distress of what no longer works and the hope of what might be - what we must release and what we aspire to create. Kip Flock has created the Apex Resource Center in the spirit of an ongoing culmination of the most effective strategies for emotional competence and competent influence in the dawning of this new age of life long learning.
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3 necessary elements of "Self Care"
1. Awareness. Awareness is the experience of actively attending passively-the ability to witness what we are doing, thinking and feeling. John O. Stevens wrote a classic book called "Awareness". He includes many exercises on how to increase consciousness of ourselves in the here and now. I underestimated the skill and importance of self awareness, until I hit that bank wall. I woke up out of a place of unconsciousness. But I thought I was awake-that everything was fine. I wasn't getting what Sylvan Tomkins called a "report". He takes up the question of how we ever even get conscious, considering that most of our body functions take place below awareness, such as our pulse. In the book series, "Affect, Imagery, Consciousness" he talks about how our bodies report to themselves about the need to change and recreate ourselves in space and time. Awareness is about increasing our capacity to acknowledge such reports about our needs, so that we can adapt to changing environments. At a time when I had no awareness that I even had a body, I finally got the "report". Change or die!
2. Responsibility. By constantly filling in the blank, Now I am aware of....., we stay in what the Gestalt therapists call the "awareness continuum". You can practice doing this "here and now" self reporting of what you hear, see, feel and think so that your responsiveness to your needs and wants is increased. Responsibility is the ability to respond to ourselves. With increased awareness comes movement. The movement is in the seeing. This is the paradoxical nature of change- that nothing changes unless it first becomes what it is. I had to be as stuck as I was and be fully awake while I was fully stuck, in order to get unstuck. I had denied my pain such that I dulled my awareness of how stuck I was. Fear and healthy shame were the bearers of the awesome "report" that finally made it through. My life depended on my awareness of these distressing feelings. Many of us die thinking that things will get better without having to admit that we are as disturbed and in as much trouble as we are.
3.Self Actualization. We won't take seriously, the need for solution building without fully embracing that we have a problem. I had a choice, self actualization or self image actualization. Get real or project a pretense. Say my truth or pretend that I felt something other than the distress I was in. I had reached a "true limit", a boundary of myself-needs that I had ignored. I had to go into the unknown, to discover new capacities. I had to ask for help and admit that my best efforts and what used to work were no longer functional. I had to go to the edge of town and go into the darkness of uncertainty- a future without guarantees. I chose to leave my known world and explore uncomfortable territories. Joseph Campbell has a tape series called "The Power of Myth" and a book called "The Hero With A Thousand Faces". He refers to the "Calling" and the need to "Follow Your Bliss". My "compelling way" came from "following my bliss" and honoring my "calling". Though, such experience includes the joy of being who we really are, it also includes the suffering the comes from any birth. Self actualization is not "Pollyannish". We sometimes need to follow our bliss through the valley of the shadow of death. Denial and ignorance look mighty tempting as I say that. Self fulfillment is a radical act according to Laura Whitworth, author of "Co-Active Coaching. Our "compelling way" demands taking great risk. Self care is also a radical act in a world that has normalized addiction and stagnation. To live a health activating life style means going against the norms of the day and enormous cultural pressures. Even so, I'm still ready to get radical. How about you?
Upcoming Events / Announcements
Next month's news letter: Stress Management For "Dummies"
Life Coaching: A coach has the questions. You have the answers. As your coach, I'll help you discover how to deepen the learning and forward the action in your life, please call me for a complimentary telecoach session. Tel. 570-743-1055
I will be facilitating, The Deep Feeling Intensive, (July 19-21, 2002), 3 day group in Santa Rosa, CA, Limit, six people, Call 570-743-1055 for an assessment. I will be facilitating, Sierra Tucson's Healing The Healer Clinical Training at Miraval Spa, Tucson, Arizona (Oct.21- Oct. 25,2002), Phone: 800-842-4487 for information, also found at my web site I will be facilitating, The Inner Child Clinical Training, Ipswich, England (Sept. 9-13), |
Dear Friends!
In the dawn of this century of unprecedented change we can easily become deluged by distressing events and get swamped by a sea of demands. In order to survive we need to practice "self care" with conviction and become proactive creators of our emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness.
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My "Self Care" Vision
When I was working as a psychotherapist in the mid 80's,I told my concerned wife that "I'll work 'till I drop"- never believing that I might in fact collapse. I was a workaholic, doing 14 hours a day-therapy and clinical training. I started work at 8:00 AM in Pasadena, Ca. and finished at 10:00 PM in North Hollywood. One day I drove my car into the side of a bank on Ventura Blvd., thinking that I had stopped 3 feet in front of the wall. I later found out that I had a variety of medical problems such as chronic fatigue and candidiasis, which causes "brain fog"- loss of concentration, forgetfulness and perceptual impairment. I had ignored the need for balance in my life and denied that I was in such distress. I can remember one of my trainees asking me if anything was wrong sometime before I hit that bank wall. I said, with all sincerity, "I'm fine"- scratching my head, wondering why he had asked me such a thing.
I was unaware of the pain I was in-out of touch with the messages that my body had been giving me, the need for change, and the complete lack of boundaries. I couldn't say no to new work projects and demands. I let my family life fade well into the background.
I'm grateful for that bank wall for waking me up. I went to a physician who treated me with homeopathics, acupuncture, and yes, even colonics. I changed my diet, got a "work out" trainer and cut back on my work schedule. I started meditating and exploring spiritual practices. I got back into psychotherapy. I was so out of shape that I could only do 5 push ups in my first workout with the trainer.
I don't know why the bank wall got my attention and so many other signals did not. I had some kind of vision through the fog, that I needed help, that I could find a way to change and that I could and would do what ever it took to get a health based life style. Since then, I have made considerable progress with many backslides. I have been able to keep my self care vision alive, even though I have a lot of work left to do. Among other things, I've contracted with a professional life coach to help me stay with my self care mission. I know that my calling is to help others do the same- to participate in a self care and life balance support community. I want to be a forceful advocate for such a community. By bonding together in such a spirit we can help each other discover our own personal "compelling way".
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What you can expect in this newsletter series
Expect dynamic topics and solutions. Expect to be curious and energized about change in your life. Expect to get practical strategies that are directly applicable to your most important concerns and goals.
The purpose of this news letter is to spread the word about the life saving and life enhancing core skills of self care in your personal and business affairs. Every month I'll write about significant themes in self care. I will give you specific tips that you will be able to implement immediately into your own life.
You will be able to raise the quality of your own experience, discover new and exciting resources and participate in a growing community of self activating "radicals".
Anyone can benefit from this news letter. At times, I will highlight the needs of people in supervisory positions in the work place and those people in health care service positions. Self Care Themes that will be addressed: The many faces of self care, How shame can derail us in daily life, Reducing the shame that binds you, Raising the quality of your personal relationships, Improving your relationships at work, The stages of change, Managing conflicting inner voices, How to achieve balance in a fast paced life. Other highlights: Periodic Free Virtual(phone) group experiences Invitations for interactive input into future issues Bonus newsletter issues Announcements of cool events |
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